February 2012
Today I almost got ran over by an Asian driver
man
It’s horrible how, some years later and you’d still close your eyes and the same person would appear at the end of every night and you can’t sleep, but you just force yourself to close your fucking pitiful eyes and sleep through it, because well. There’s absolutely nothing you can do. She won’t go away.
I couldn’t go back to that, even had I tried.
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Someone showed me this Spotify music thing shit that’s like an itunes on crack holy shit I must be late but music for days~
Sometimes I wonder if I ever saw her in a crowd unexpectedly would I have the guts to go up to her and tell her everything I completely missed out on, and why, when, how everything went down into fuckshits of something, never nothing because she always existed somewhere in my head and it was never momentarily, it was timeless. It was endless, and it wouldn’t go away. And I wonder if she...
There’s no direct way of living, believing. And maybe the way they wanted to ease the pain of believing that. When you die. You just die. Bare. And who would want to believe that kind of rush? Maybe they’d say the afterlife exists, because they couldn’t stand that. Fuck, that was just it. That was all. And that fact that you were built, meant that you had to fall apart, well. You...
Rediscovering those songs that bring back, everything. Fuck.
Anonymous asked: aren't you agony of thai
It’s a bit unnerving that I have to be this way. That I couldn’t just settle for midnight stargazing with a cigarette in hand, or that I couldn’t just have taken the car and ran away into the distance with whoever, couldn’t travel every crevice, remote lost feeling, control, hell even the vast endless spaces of nothing but just the fact that you could be there was enough....
Left For The New World
It was an interesting thought, well. Everything’s an interesting thought. But, are we suppose to destroy ourselves before we improve, to know what to improve on? If so, would there be a limit of doing so, because I can’t seem to find my limit. I think I’ve passed it a long time ago. But would it even help me in the long term knowing I purposely do so. And I don’t exactly...
matthewcoolness01 asked: was your old url @agony-of-thai?
Stereo Claws
I’ve always wanted them just to look at me, as I look at them. I didn’t want to worry about how this conversation could turn into amass shit, because god knows I’m no good at small talk. Or any type of talk in that. But I was always looking. Look at each other, and make those silly facial expressions that you just couldn’t help but find adorable. And god you just wanted...
Sometimes, I don’t think I’ll make it. That I’ll kind of just, dissipate, scatter into the everywhere. And no one will remember. Where my hands have crossed, where I laid my eyes, and it just stood there hoping they’d look back. But they don’t. But I’ll always have the vision of it. And to think of everything. Man, so much people I’m so eager to meet. Even...
You know, I’m not going to lie for this instant. I still think about her, about how she’s doing. How she seems happy, and maybe she is. And that’s good. I never wanted to accept the fact that she was happy before, only because I wasn’t in the picture. Which jealousy had torn. But that’s passed, and we moved. Even so had it been so tragic, but man. She’s the only...
There are days I don’t have much to say, and these are those days again I guess. I just spend most of them looking for music really. This is my time to avoid people for a bit, before I have to walk through crowds of them again. I don’t know man. I could be doing nothing and I enjoy it well enough to know ain’t shit worth drowning yourself on about.
There’s just you, and...
Overthinking is so trajectory, it leads away from the original idea and before you know it you’re going backwards. And fuck, that’s my problem.
Wherever you are, I hope you’re doing well.
Fuck, I’m too young. Too young for this.
You know what I hate about how vulnerable men can be, or especially me. You can stare at women and at the peculiar things they do and you’d already be half way lost in the world of figuring what the fuck just happened and why did she just invade my mindless space shit lightspeeding through the galaxy of oh fuck I just let myself fall underneath again.
Man, I’m so ready just shoot me...
I want to write this, but I don’t know how. There’s just some shit I can’t reassemble into words, well. At least not yet I can.
I could get used to this.
Fuck you.
Fuck you for giving me some little thin light of hope so you can close that shit on me and make me feel like shit.
Fuck you for shutting me down.
Fuck you for making things so unclear that I’ve fucked myself where it’s a bit too late to say that I’ve already fucked up parts of my life.
Fuck you, you make me disintegrate any hope I could ever try to hold on to...
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Listen
We just don’t care
I understand that possibly the whole point of wanting something “real” must mean by all probable chance you aim for it to last a lifetime, you’d put the words forever and induce into believing the future exists with whomever it is. That’s how it should be, you don’t need to let your fear of trust and the way others have made relationships seem drastically impossible...
The hour when you feel like you should be doing something else completely and that your current task is so, not fitting this shit.
Why do I have to be so unlively, quiet, awkward, at a loss for words around people I like. Fuck man, fuck me.
God, something simplistic would be lovely right now. A simple relationship, a simple thought, a simple feel for what it is to pursue and to be happy. But no, everything has to be drowned out to be completely malformed and and complicated, within every question and idea about it. It just can’t be simple.
But god, if only I remember how I had thought of it as so simple before the naivety shed...
This Will Destroy You
I’m not sure where to write this but I felt as I needed to write it somewhere, even if it means I need to type it up on my useless sidekick of a phone to transfer over to here. I’ve gotten into thinking about what I always do, what I always let myself ponder of not even in the instant of intention, it just happens and I can’t help it and I let myself dream so far it’s...
