January 2012
A new year is about to come. I guess by this time after the countless many years I’ve bullshitted myself and said I’ll change. We just can’t really change in the pace of our choosing. If anything. Maybe some things change in a course of one year. Can’t hope for drastic changes as if your family had died in front of you. Or maybe I’m just not cut out for caring about...
I’m really starting to hate the fact that I live with Asian parents and their cautious ways go way over the limit that I just cannot stand the shit they make up half the time.
December 2011
I don’t know how to explain it.
I do not like the person that you are. The things you have done. The things aimed particular at me for things you’ve accused me of doing in the past. Yes, you could say I hate you and for all the glory there is for you to burn. But no. I don’t tell you that I hate you. I help you. I answer your questions if the questions are answerable. I tell you steps into what you’re looking...
Fuck, I love pasta.
This isn’t about good versus evil, or right or wrong. It’s about a machine that’s taken over this nation. It’s like something out of science fiction. The land. It’s people. This machine don’t give a shit.
It’s probably weird to say. I miss being tensed, shy, and everything being a bit nerve-wracking to be by someone whom I had obvious interest for.
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1:18
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Surprisingly I am employed.
I’d write some long shit about why some pos faggots on here try to “write” about shit they can’t even conclude to or has even been in the situation to be spitting bullshit about. Frantic idiots on here irk the fuck out of me. You mock what writing should be. But I guess that’s the thing. Writing doesn’t have its limits. Just the amount of faggots that make it...
Watch
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It’s to the point where I would try to distribute everything I feel onto paper, and even then. I try to read over myself, I don’t understand what I’m trying to describe. Smoke and mirrors, trying to decipher what it is about myself that I can’t seem to grasp. And they shatter, I can’t even pick up my own pieces and put them together. And all I can really hope for is...
I’m too careless for this shit.
Can never really get over this song. Frank Ocean - Thinking About You. Deepcut song, why else but it explains every piece of shit that clouds my head.
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Comfortable
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Arcade Fire - No Cars go
Sometimes to have wished we had turned stone cold in the winter still shrills. What you and me suffice in, I do not like to think about. How I wish I was cold, the world visioned in black and white, no color to care. Beauty swept out from underneath my feet. So I could no longer feel it, feel anything. I could be numb to the fact that you roam in my head. You could disappear. You could transcend...
Long-lasting relationships with all their nicknames and inside jokes, stories, and the warmth of it all glowing on their skin. How adorable. Makes it seem like we’re missing on something.
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How they would yearn for more, for someone to accompany their lonesome felt movements. They say they found it, does it fill them as they hoped for? Is it what you wanted.
Close your eyes and open to the world.
Say the world was blind and they hear beauty in voice and words. Say profanity was human definition of ugly, hideous and disgusting. Even though for me to be saying that would mean if the world was blind and profanity was source of disgust, than my excessive profanity of using the words fuck (etc) would make me a shameful human being, but then even being said that. Shallow, physique of one will be...
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Girl with the tattoo
Why do I even bother waking up.
“There’s no art to find the mind’s construction in the face.”
I always hated when your “friends” would try to be a smartass and yell out to someone you didn’t even like and tell them that you had a “thing” for them of which you hadn’t at all. This isn’t even denial, or trying to hide the fact. I’m serious when I say I do not have a thing for them. I don’t like walking in doors just so they could get the...
One could only hope to understand why teenagers like to pretend to be dissatisfied with aspects and general things appointing to mainly living “life” itself when we haven’t even felt it yet. Perhaps they didn’t know how, I didn’t know how. We had to be distracted from the negatives shrouds of breathing into cold corners of the world always looking at shit that burned...
Become disgusted with myself. Wake up and stare at foggy mirrors for the shame of it. And that’s all I really have left to write about for these days.
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No More
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Listen
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Phoenix - 1901
Point was to redirect you within every step you take. Redirection of thinking you’ve found something, realizing it’s lost and you only have one of the things to take to heart and remember, as it loses itself we move on. Either you felt it or not. Maybe we just can’t feel one thing for long. We have to live like stick shift and deal. If not by all means crash and rebuild. And here...
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Speed of Sound
I’ve tried typing over 20 different posts/thoughts that came to my head in the last couple days, I just couldn’t finish them. I can’t seem to grasp the right words. Least to say there’s no emotion to be trying to depict something out of nothing. Like Winter slowing and layering glacial frozen pattern on our cold hands. It’s been reduced to keeping it all in my head....
Bound for jealousy. Bound to pretend he doesn’t care to see them as they are. As we are hesitant to look them in eye because you’ll feel it all over again. The unbearable hopelessness to reach. To tell them how pathetic it seems. How ironic everything was. Fuck, I hate being around them. These “friends” make me want to fucking implode.