I understand that possibly the whole point of wanting something “real” must mean by all probable chance you aim for it to last a lifetime, you’d put the words forever and induce into believing the future exists with whomever it is. That’s how it should be, you don’t need to let your fear of trust and the way others have made relationships seem drastically impossible or fake so that you just can’t believe that it can last. That’s such a shame. That defies the purpose, that kills it. And in that there’s no point in trying for something you know that won’t be everlasting. And believe me. Your hopeful selves, the movies you watch that probably make it seem so overwhelmingly impossible to be in something real should not make your mind go in reverse from what you want. 

And yes, it does set you up to fall back down so many floors until you feel you’ve been crushed by every atom at every centerfold of shit that you feel when you realize that it’s not going to work and you feel lied to, or just simply fucked over. You can, or cannot make someone your whole life. You need to believe it can be done, if you ever wanted something real. Because I see no other way, unless of course. You just currently want flings, but don’t let the image of other people ruin yours. That’s the painstakingly depressing thing from the then and now. You let others ruin it for you. And you act like you’re not surprised by the outcome when you should be because you were suppose to believe it. I mean fuck, for me to be saying this contradicts every possible design of me but even then. Somewhere in my head I kind of got this concept out and a plan to follow.